Boost your self esteem

[gixxxer351]

Here's a real self esteem booster........



Test for Dementia

Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer
them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately.
OK? Let's find out just how clever you really are.


Ready? GO!!! (scroll down)



First Question:

You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What
position are you in?










Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely
wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are
second!




Try not to screw up in the next question.
To answer the second question, don't take as much time as you took for
the first question.




Second Question:
If you overtake the last person, then you are...?











Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong
again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?




You're not very good at this! Are you?



Third Question:
Very tricky math! Note: This must be done in your head only.


Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.



Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add
another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000
Now add 10. What is the total?


Scroll down for answer.








Did you get 5000?

The correct answer is actually 4100.



Don't believe it? Check with your calculator! Today is definitely not
your day. Maybe you will get the last question right?





Fourth Question:


Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono.
What is the name of the fifth daughter?









Answer: Nunu?



NO! Of course not. Her name is Mary. Read the question again



Okay, now the bonus round:
There is a mute person who wants to buy a toothbrush. By
imitating the action of brushing one's teeth he successfully
expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.

Now if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of
sunglasses, how should he express himself?













He just has to open his mouth and ask, so simple.

[gixxxer351]

Did you ever wonder?.......


1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little
bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing
section in a swimming pool?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

3. OK.... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the
Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the
Tennessee Titans?


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one
enjoys it?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

5. There are three religious truths:
a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian
faith.
c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland
called Holes?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

7. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

8. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread
to begin with?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

10. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who
drives a racecar is not called a racist?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

12. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that
electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted,cowboys deranged, models
deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

13. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

14. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

15. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

16. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more
as they get older; then it dawned on me ....they're cramming for their final
exam.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

17. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons
and forks , so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? toothpicks?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

18. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we
supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the
postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

19. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the
others here for?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

20. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

21. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

22. If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
23. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

[gixxxer351]

In case you needed further proof that the human race is DOOMED through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping. (****, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap."(and that would be how???....)

On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time)?

On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."

(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking this because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what)?

On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use."

(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit CURIOUS.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."

(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for thisone.)

On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."

(Oh my God...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

[SpeedyCycles]

LMAO, those were really good Alex!!


Frank

[FZWon]

Thanks for the laugh.....great stuff :rofl

[bn02f4i]

Those were freakin hilarious! Where do you find all these articles ALL the time?